Did you realize I spent my early teens playing flash games? I’d frequent Newgrounds, spam the forums with worthless opinions (racking up a post count north of 20k), then utilize the flash films/games as the icing on the teenage-annoyance cake. Then when the editor pushed #1 | Diep.io – #1 Play Diep.io Game Online in my opinion, I found myself suspicious.
Initially, I figured to inquire about: “How did you know I utilized to play flash games on Newgrounds?”, but thought he’d suspect something. Not simply, generally if i was wrong, would he start carefully and systematically comparing Newgrounds general posts with my general awkward demeanor to follow down younger me but, should i was right, he would know I had been to the bastard. Then your editor would foil my well being plans by occasionally whispering during my ear: “hey, remember this gem of the Newgrounds general post…”, thus bit-by-bit destroying what little self-esteem I have got left.
Like most narratives, I used to be asked who’s tale it had been. So, one a little water on the face later, I realized it wasn’t a philosophical question of free-will but just asking me my name. Although, noticing this is a web-based multiplayer title, I thought I’d hide how I’d be examining this game by using a critical eye as part of my job. So off I went. The tale of “NotAJournalist” had begun.
Naturally, similar to most free-to-play PvP titles, Diep.io starts off with a whisper. You are a runt, the foot of a pile, in the bad world trying to shoot you at the back of the pinnacle. Or perhaps a small, circular tank floating amongst other shapes and also other tanks. Thus I did the most obvious thing: I blew with the squares, triangles and pentagons that hung out passively while dodging each of the circle with names upon them. Yes, the aesthetic may be recreated with MS Paint and the only thing that may be missing is Comic Sans.
Each level offered me the option of upgrade: Regen, health, bullet damage, bullet speed, rate of fire, bullet penetration, body damage (collision damage), and movement speed. Something that became immediately obvious was that when I planned to have longer than a kid within a paddling pool of concentrated hydrochloric acid, i would be required to pick regen eventually. Without them, I might be worn over time like said child from before.
Eventually, I leveled past the “spitball-n-straw” stage and was asked should i wanted a machine-gun, a sniper rifle, a dual-barrel assault rifle, or in order to shoot forwards and backwards while spinning madly just like a ballistic hedgehog. Since I’m the type of simpleton to perform as Soldier 57 on Overwatch, out of the fear of confusion otherwise, I went together with the assault rifle option on my tank.
Ultimately, like most things, my time with Diep.io got to an end as i began picking fights with some other players. In spite of the highest damage output I could possibly muster, by far the most speed, a huge regen pool, and more health than I knew how to handle, other players were quickly capable of put me during my place. I’d be chipping away at their cathedral of health with my toothbrush shiv and they’d just sweep me aside with the almighty paw without noticing I ever existed.